What is Your Love Language | Lonehill | Johannesburg | Couples Counselling | Marriage Counselling

How do you feel loved? How do you know that your partner or friend values you and truly “gets you?” Do you sometimes feel you are speaking completely different languages and that there is a disconnect in what you say and do and what the other person hears and acts on? Do you know how your partner or friend feels loved? What is the language of love and do we each have our own?
Receiving and Giving Love Messages

We tend to send out love signals and express appreciation in the primary ways we like to get it. If we enjoy getting cards on special and not so special occasions, we assume so does our partner and loved ones. If we enjoy a backrub we assume our spouse would too and what he really would treasure is a home cooked meal.

Miscommunication, irritation, hurt feelings and arguments can be avoided by just being more aware and specific about what our loved ones values in terms of receiving and giving love. It is a good idea to put time aside to discuss how each of you communicate and want to receive love. It will be very eye-opening to discover that while you may both speak the same English language, you are not even close on the language of giving and expressing love.

According to Gary Chapman, author of the Five Love Languages- How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate, the five methods of expressing and receiving love are:

5 Love Languages Couples counselling in Lonehill, Johannesburg

Love Languages

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love.


Quality Time

This love language means undivided attention and truly listening. It involves actually looking at the person and paying attention to what is said verbally and the non-verbal clues of sighs and shrugged shoulders.
In order to spend quality time it requires being together. Not just sitting on the same sofa watching television, or riding in the car or painting a room together. It requires all of you; body, mind and spirit be present and accounted for.
This love language has more to do with what happens on an emotional level than a physical level. It is a time of true connection. One of our family members said she felt this when her husband put down his newspaper when she wanted to talk to him about a small decision she was struggling with.

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say “Look, he was thinking of me.” The gift becomes the tangible symbol of that thought.
Research has shown the most treasured gifts mentioned were not diamonds or perfume. Rather it was a wild flower picked on a walk. Cards for special occasions and for no reason at all ranked high on the treasured expressions of love.
Acts of Service
Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

People who speak this love language seek to please their partners by serving them; to express their love for them by doing things for them. Actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, washing the dishes, sorting the bills, walking the dog or dealing with landlords, running the bath, filling the car with petrol, are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. I’m not saying become a servant or slave to your partner and do these things out of guilt or resentment. Do these things as an act of love.


Physical Touch

Physical touch can make or break a relationship and can communicate respect or ridicule. The sad thing is that it isn’t always sexual intercourse that is needed and craved as much as hand holding, rubbing sore feet, rubbing a bald head for luck or kisses, hugs and a pat on the back. The small gesture of physical touches mean a connection and connection means communication and caring.


For more information on these 5 languages of love, how to express them and how to find out what your main language is and what your partners language is book a full 2 sessions for more information as well has hints and tips on how to find expression in each that will touch your partner and make a powerful impact !!


Janine@yourtherapy.co.za for more info and bookings.